My hair loss journey and how I found courage to embrace my bald look within a year
For those who follow me on Instagram, know that I became a mum to a little boy in August 2022. I worked till I was 37 weeks pregnant when I had my last onsite event in the summer of 2022. Afterwards, I entered into my maternity leave till May 2023. During that period I only had just a few tiny in studio calligraphy jobs, but no onsite events. I truly enjoyed the time away from my business and also from Social Media (I didn’t post on my business IG account for about 10 months) and I am so glad I stepped away. That break helped me cope a lot with my fomo (fear of missing out) especially for the onsite events opportunities.
The journey of becoming a mother has been a tough one for me
I sadly experienced a late miscariage in February 2019 (at 17 weeks). As I was already in my second trimester, they had to induce me to give birth to the child. Every time I write about this experience I cry (and now too). That shock has affected my mental health for a long time. And sadly had impacted my hair loss too. During that pregnancy I started to develop a form of alopecia (alopecia areata - bald patches on the head in different places of various sizes). Those were not visible and were easy to hide.
Soon after I was undergoing a strong treatment with minoxidil cream which meant I couldn’t get pregnant, otherwise I had to stop it.
That was the time when I changed to a short hairstyle. That treatment helped to some extent and hair grew on bald areas I had. Overall, it took almost 2 years. When I got pregnant in autumn 2021, I had to stop it, I only had a few little bald patches on my head left.
I gave birth to my rainbow baby boy Oliver in August 2022.
Becoming a first time mum came with lots of challenges that no class or any book can prepare you as every birth and child is unique. I wanted to breastfed my boy and I am so happy I didn’t give up despite all the challenges we had at the beginning. I exclusively breastfed him until 1 and half year (stopped in February 2024 just about a month ago).
Soon after I gave birth I noticed more bald patches appeared on my head and they got bigger quite fast. By January 2023 I had to shave it for the first time as it fell so much and bald patches were hard to cover. I let it grew back till June 2023 to 2 cm but bald patches were still there and then I shaved it again. By September 2023 I have already lost 90% of the hair on my head.
Unfortunately, during summer 2023, I started losing my eyebrows too and within 2-3 months I lost them all. Plus in other parts of the body I have lost it here and there.
I am not sure if I’ll have Alopecia Universalis (total hair loss on the body), but I’m mentally preparing for that.
adjusting to my new bald look
I will be honest and say that I tried hardly to cover my bald look for some time with hats and even bought a wig from natural hair. But, something in me didn’t feel right wearing it, because I was wearing it to hide that I am bald.
I wanted so much to love my bald look as I knew that there is no miracle treatment for alopecia as it’s an auto-immune disease and have accepted the fact that I might never have my hair back again.
Therefore I started following on Instagram other people’s battling alopecia and their journeys and have been pleasantly surprised to find so many rocking proudly their bald looks. What I noticed on majority of them is saying that it took them up to 10 years to fully accept their bald looks.
And then, it hit me. I didn’t want to wait 10 years to love me how I am without hair, I have to start loving my new look now. I made a promise to myself that will step out of my comfort zones and take baby steps to overcome this fear and go out publicly with no hats or a wig. And also, I said to myself that I will start wearing my wig again as an accessory when I’ll be in mood but not as a tool to hide that I am bald.
the first time I went publicly with no hat or wig
It happened on my 34th birthday on 1st September 2023 (first picture below). We went in town for a celebratory lunch at a nice restaurant and just did it.
Let me tell you, the moment I stepped out the car, I felt like my blood was boiling inside me. But, I tried to not look at people if they stare at me and within a half an hour I eased off. We enjoyed our lunch, had a walk and to be honest I really enjoyed it and wanted to do it agin. I felt free.
Then, I started doing it more often until it became natural to me.
A great support on this journey of self love has been my husband, always encouraging me to do this and constantly repeating that I am beautiful with or without hair. I also want to believe that being a mum has given me some courage too. I want to be an inspiration for my son to embrace imperfections and love ourselves just how we are.
getting back to work after maternity leave
In October 2023 I started getting back to work with some in studio commissions. I knew the Christmas season was approaching and onsite events will happen which is an important part of my job where most my income comes from.
I was booked for 6 in store events for 3 different brands in December and to all of them I went wearing a wig. I didn't have the courage to go without it. I also didn't’t share on my IG where I am the most active. I was so scared brands won’t book me for onsite events. But, how wrong I was.
My main goal for the new 2024 year was to embrace my bald look fully when going at onsite events.
And I did that too, but also sharing on IG page a few raw images of me. I received a few lovely DM’s from my community asking if I am well for which I am so thankful.
My first onsite event in 2024 rocking my bald look
In February I had my first onsite event for 2024 and I said to myself: ‘This is it. I’m doing it’. I was lucky as it was for a niche perfume brand in Covent Garden in their small store, which was not overcrowded at all as it is in Selfridges for example.
I felt great doing that first step and was looking forward to do it more.
Then March 2024 was a very unusual busy month for onsite events with a total of 8 events for 3 different brands.
And to all of them I rocked my bald look onsite again.
I can’t believe I’m writing this, but in the first quarter of 2024 I achieved that goal of mine to embrace my bald look at onsite events. I am so proud for making this happen.
The cherry on top was seeing a video of me published on Victoria’s Secret IG page from the VIP event I attended as the engraving artist. You can see the video here. I literally cried when I saw that video. I truly am so proud for working with brands that value women’s despite any visual differences and how wrong I was believing that brands won’t book me because I have no hair.
What I learned so far from my hair loss journey
One thing I learned the hard way during this time of hair loss is that hair doesn't not define me. It took me some time to understand this and I hope my journey will help others to embrace their visual difference.
Acceptance is the best thing I did for my mental health
I can’t control people’s stares
I make eye contact with people staring at me and that makes them feel uncomfortable and they look away
Never worry at what people think (cause again you can’t control what they think in their heads)
I am beautiful just as I am. And that’s a fact!
Unfortunately, we live in a world where hair is often considered a measure of feminity and self-worth. I would love to see one day more alopecians in beauty advertising, shoot campaigns, wedding shoots etc. A friend of mine on IG sent me this post of a beautiful bald lady that was the new face of the New Model Agency and had a professional shoot done by the Rankin photographer. I love receiving inspirational posts like these.
I must be honest and say that I have days when I miss my hair and have a good cry about it, but then I get up, look in the mirror and always repeat: hair doesn’t define me, I am beautiful just the way I am!
If you read this far, thank you very much for reading it. It means a lot.
Much love,
Uliana xx